I just saw a hot homeless man
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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