If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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