Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
