Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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