i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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