his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize