I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
