hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
