TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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