When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
