so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
