loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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