I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
