I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
