heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
