Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Couch. On fire.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
