so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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