He had one of those small greek statue penises
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
