In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
