: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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