it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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