She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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