I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
