my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
