I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
