I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
