is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
