What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
