Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
