I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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