If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
