you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
