i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
