there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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