Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Alive.
So much puke
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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