First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
