their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
