wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
