dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
