How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
