The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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