I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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