But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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