im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
