All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
