this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
