Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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