i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
