She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
