i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
