when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
